i have lost really too much precious friend in my process of growing up, some of them i dont even have confident of reunite again. to be honest, i kinda miss them, some of them even brfore i argue with them or now cold war which dont look like one. now my house(just cause use the word family) have further condamn me. great, now sometime i myself is afraid of what i am thinking. i am really scared i may become violent sooner or later.