busy busy life...

i am really sick and tired of losing ... and is just not me to push every thing to destiny. ,uch less something that i haven prove to myself yet ...

i am not ok now...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

somehow your concern and care let me feel disgusted...arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr............................... can i just scold u shut up ..... i kind of getting to hate u now

我好烦。。。 快要失控。。。 我开始觉得你好烦。我真的好想骂你，可是我又不可能以我的感情来骂你。。。请别让我觉的你好假。。。你让我很想珍惜你，不果也很想绝交我们这段的友情。。。

my first time gathering so much courage just to send one message ... boo... bleh.....

finally blog...recently really busy and really learn alot of things... i also learn how fast a person can change just a mere 4 year... i didnt expect someone who use to be my good friend once will change his character so much ... well but atleast not too worst... i work!! hahas ... and i really did learnt alot of things about food, people and other more... well didnt have much time to play though. eventhough i did expect someone to ask me out but she didn't. kind of disappointing .. haiz ... i would gladly take my time off... this friday buffet and bbq and saturday steamboat .. omg eat till i burst man.. hahas.but maybe i will select and only go for a few... i promise myself not to teach but still i started teaching again.. got to stop myself ...

deffany

actually i wanted to tell you this in person... but then i dont really think i have the chance.. hahas ... actually i really want to thank you. for really letting me know who i am and for finding back who i really am. i guess you must find me troublesome and irritating now right? you know after some time when i got the chance to get close to you, troubles started dashing to me you know, my family(needless to say), social, and my academy is starting to waver. then i started to feel to alone and dont want other people to see the weak side of me. so i really wanted to rely my emotional burden on you and hope u can give me the support i want. but i guess i overdependent on you, somehow i feel that you started to distance away from me may be because we just have a fight and my trouble comes soon after that. then my mind couldn't think of anyone else, cause you are the only close friend i know that no need to take exams and maybe show u the the other side of me. day by day pass i guess u know what happen i could handle it well anymore maybe because i really want some one to rely on and my academy grade really started to go down. but then this really let me learn a lesson, i know my exams this time round will really sux but still... i started to ask my self where is the mcenroe that used to be strong in mind and body who can handle everything by himself, and since when does he need to rely on other people. why is he getting so weak now. i guess i couldnt blame other people why will i score so bad now, cause i wanted to rely on other people too much... i should just continue my journey with a strong goal in mind and never give up...(cause at a point of time i really give up for a while)... now i have return and learn never to rely on other people but oneself to be who you really are... but then you are a really great friend(cause you really make me smile from my bottom of my heart)... do you also think so deffany? hahas ... to be honest i still like the past deffany when she had no make up on and say what she want with me... or maybe i did really didn't understand you. =) you must be angry or think why i never tell you on the sms or call you... to let people know the weak side of me really takes up alot of courage and really need supper lot of time. when all the other people see is always the strong smart proud childish side of me.