June 24, 2011

what i really hate is when people do wrong, they never even apologise and behave as if i am in the wrong. WTH... shouldnt they atleast apologise, if not i am ao difficult to forgive them. is not i am not gentlemen, cause i know if i act nothing happen, my heart wont be happy, and i wont be true to them or myself. they seriously really get me into troble you know. because that day morning something really did happen and they still play. now all not my fault also my fault. this world is nonscense and i hate people who are faking so am i, if i am faking myself. recently i am really disappointed in so many people. haiz. but i know true friend will stand by me, and i will know who will.
wooo.. internship finally end. my life can finally slow down alittle. actually when it end i actually quite happy, not because of lesser work, is because i feel that i have achieve and learnt really alot. eventhough my internship is somehow sometime stress but then when i think about it' atleast i learn more than other people. to be honest, i actually only feel that i only overwork myself once is when my colleague call me come at 830 and work till 8 pm with out breadfast( cause too rush. hahas) and lunch and dinner. that time is really.. WA... you know. cause i always feel, even if she dont agree with the same theory, she could atleast help, and not ignore, no matter what we are still same team and my boss colleague also agree with my logic cause my boss is on leave. and i did check the net that broth diffusion peameate will remain the same colour as the feed. but oo well... amazing i am not angry, i was just thinking maybe is a good chance to prove her, but she wouldnt listen. that why now i everything also call my boss to ask her, hahs! is also that time i realise that i can actually plan in my head in second. wow. i am really amaze by myself, cause she also never teach me how to do, just tell me need to do and walk off. is not i dont want to tell her to help me or tell my boss, is because i was thinking if i was her and people ignore my theory and carry on do and i was very confidence how would i react?hahas, and what for soil the relationship. and she really help me alot that why i cant really complain, must accept the way she is. hahas And sometime i automatically compare with other people, why other no need stay as late as me, but then i always feel is ok. cause i am really learning alot more. really alot. and i mean hands on. cause reading wise, i weekend also have to think how to improve my protocol, research and think. so confirm more then them, eventhough tired i am happy that i everyday dont have to do the same thing over and over again, atleast i get to analyse my own experiment. most important die or late also must eat breadfast, to prevent same senerio. sometime is not because i am late, is because i know if i come early, i also cant get to do my work, cause the place or equipment is being use, and i know around what timei can use.
to sum up what i learn: patience is the best flower in the garden of life! plan up to work/second. adapt to myself to other people fellings. think while doing. ( cause i would normally think and plan the rush through the work!) hahas. believe my boss hehe. and lastly is to plan my work really really well.
but i realise i really hate one thing. those people that dont know anything and just comment and comment is really irritating. so i just do and dont bother explaining to them, they are serious not asking they are like commenting. ooo well... work life. what to do.
not matter what, if i were to grade my internship. i will grade 9.5/10 cause i really got a good boss and co-boss (even though she sometime really... and she is oinh oinh)(her leadership skills also... torture me. ba!)but she is still great, and i really learn alot about science and myself. i believe i did my best, right mce. ;) ! yeah eventhough my co-boss is suppose to help me in my project, i believe i did my best to finish up most of my work on the day not matter how late so that my boss wont ask her help to do and complete. cause i thought she is really busy with her stuff.(true or not i really dont know, cause i always think if she's free she will come to help me asking). lastly thanks the people who had helped me in my internship, and is fun having fun colleague around. not all but most. =) the end

June 21, 2011

to me now, i seriously have no idea what is family where member doesnt build on trust and too much paranormal stuff. mce will go insane soon, may be because i want revenge too much and i am really supressing it with lots of will power. i might not be able to hold it any longer. unless i have my revenge and say out all the things i want and do all i want and maybe even punching if not i may not be able to find the inner peace i am seeking. mce really couldnt supress it any long after 7 years now. really, really... if my tears really drop is really not i wanted.dont constrain me any more for i may not handle myself anymore
i have lost really too much precious friend in my process of growing up, some of them i dont even have confident of reunite again. to be honest, i kinda miss them, some of them even brfore i argue with them or now cold war which dont look like one. now my house(just cause use the word family) have further condamn me. great, now sometime i myself is afraid of what i am thinking. i am really scared i may become violent sooner or later.

June 5, 2011

for now the only way for me to feel better is to scold people without thinking of consequences. is like WTF... sorry. i really dont know how to express now. too many thing at the same time and i am totally tied up now! i know i suck.

June 1, 2011

i went to the phone
stare
thinking what to say
pause
hand touch the phone
dream
wish and hope the norm
guilt-ridden
lie and smile, for the norm won't be the future
waiting for it to ring and connect to my heart.